Have you ever skipped your exercise for the entire week, taken your work frustration out on your family, or missed some of your obligations on your overloaded schedule?
When you make a mistake or slip up, do you engage in self-criticism and beat yourself up?
Well, it might just be the time to add some loving kindness to your life!
Loving-kindness meditation is a mindfulness practice that originates from the Buddhist tradition.
The ancient name of this practice is Metta Bhavana, which in the Pali language means friend, love (non-romantic), kindness, and gentleness.
Loving-kindness meditation practice (also known as metta meditation) involves cultivating compassion, qualities of love, understanding, care, and concern in response to suffering.
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What is Loving Kindness Meditation?
Loving-kindness is a meditation practice that aims to enhance mental health by fostering feelings of love, compassion, and acceptance. Through this meditation, you can cultivate pure love and self-compassion, reducing stress and improving overall well-being.
This form of meditation promotes a sense of connectedness and empathy towards others and reduces negative emotions such as anger, fear, and hatred.
It is important to clarify that loving kindness is an unconditional offering of kindness, compassion, and goodwill to yourself and others.
Looking for a good resource?
Check out Awakening Loving-Kindness, written by highly regarded author Pema Chodron.
Her writing style is gentle and easy to digest, and her guidance is so practical.
It is a great resource for adding loving kindness and compassion to your life.
At the core, all human beings want (and deserve) to be happy. Even though the definition and methods of achieving happiness vary significantly from person to person, the fundamental desire is the same.
Loving-kindness prompts us to let go of the illusion that we are radically different than others. Another premise of loving-kindness is that it is not contingent on conditions to be a certain way or how you want them to be.
There is no expectation that you will receive something specific that you want. This does not mean you are passive, complacent, or ignore the actions of others.
Instead, while you do not approve of or like someone’s behavior, you acknowledge that you both share the same basic desire to be happy.
The Process of Loving Kindness Meditation
Loving-kindness meditation uses specific words, images, and feelings to evoke unconditional love or kindness toward yourself and others. You repeat a series of phrases in a structured way.
To practice, sit comfortably in a peaceful, quiet environment without distractions.
The session can be as long as you choose, but 10 minutes or longer is typical. You may start to feel benefits immediately during your session, so do not let time stop you if you only have a few minutes.
Try an online loving-kindness guided meditation class here.
Metta Phases
While there are slight variations, there are five stages to this meditative practice, which include:
Phase 1: Loving Kindness for Yourself
The practice begins with loving kindness for ourselves. It all begins with you. You need compassion if you feel self-hatred or negative feelings towards yourself.
Unfortunately, self-judgment and self-criticism are prevalent in our culture. We tend to punish ourselves when we do not meet our expectations. Loving-kindness opens the door to genuinely appreciating, respecting, and the act of caring for yourself.
In addition, when you love others without loving yourself, it leads to decisions that are not in your best interest.
During this phase, you will repeatedly recite the following loving-kindness phrases:
- May I be happy.
- May I be healthy.
- May I live with ease.
- May I be free from danger and harm.
However, if these phrases do not resonate with you, please replace them with similar phrases that do. The important thing is that the phrases are meaningful and that you can connect with heartfelt feelings of loving-kindness.
Phase 2: Loving Kindness for a Loved One Or Friend
In the second phase, you bring a loved one or close friend to mind. Think about positive aspects of the person, such as something you are grateful for or how they inspire or motivate you.
You recite the previous mantras again, only this time, you direct the goodwill at this person. You will replace the “I” with “you” instead.
For example, “May you be happy.”
Truly feel the positive feelings of this person receiving the benefit of the phrases. If necessary, imagine the person sitting right in front of you, and you are directly saying it to the person.
Another suggestion to help elicit loving feelings of compassion for others is to imagine that beautiful white light is shining from your heart straight to the other person’s heart.
Phase 3: Loving Kindness for a Neutral Person
The next phase involves thinking of someone you feel neutral toward and that you neither like nor dislike.
This can be a neighbor you see walking in your neighborhood but do not know, a barista at the coffee shop, or your mail carrier.
This is important because it allows you to feel compassion for someone you have neutral feelings for or do not have a relationship with already.
Recite the phrases but direct the kindness and feelings of warmth and love toward this person.
Phase 4: Loving Kindness for Someone Difficult
In the fourth phase, you will recite the phrases and direct the kindness toward someone difficult or challenging for you to deal with. Note that sending compassion to someone that you do not get along with does not mean ignoring the pain that this person has caused you.
The main goal is cultivating compassion and facing your pain with an open heart.
Since this can be challenging, choose someone with whom your feelings are not too raw and intense. If you still find it difficult, you can change the “you” to “we” instead.
For example, “May we be happy.”
Phase 5: Loving Kindness for All Beings
Eventually, loving-kindness meditation ends with directing the phrases and feelings to all living beings in the entire world.
As you practice, consider that all living things want to be happy and healthy, live with ease, and be free from danger, just like you.
Loving Kindness Meditation Benefits
Practicing loving-kindness is like planting seeds or setting intentions. You never know when the seeds will bear fruit.
For example, one day, when someone annoys or irritates you, your default reaction towards them is compassion rather than instantly focusing on what they have done wrong.
Loving-kindness meditation is associated with numerous benefits.
Increased Positive Emotions
A 2015 study found that loving-kindness meditation could enhance positive emotions in daily life and that ongoing practice could provide short-term positive emotions.
Furthermore, they found the practice more effective than other interventions focused on compassion.
This can help you handle conflict with compassion and peace rather than
hostility or aggression.
You will still address confrontations and disagreements, but loving-kindness practice enables you to do so in a manner that promotes cooperation, respect, and empathy. Also, the chances are much higher that the other party will sense that your positive energy is not negative and will be more receptive to the interaction.
Reduced Self-Criticism
Another study shows that loving-kindness meditation is effective in helping self-critical individuals become less self-critical and more self-compassionate.
The study also suggests that practicing loving-kindness may reduce depression symptoms and increase positive emotions. This is important because self-criticism plays a significant role in mental health.
Many of us are too hard on ourselves for what we perceive as faults or flaws. This can lead to vicious cycles of self-hatred and mistreatment toward ourselves, which can be highly detrimental to our mental health and sometimes lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or drug use, eating disorders, or excessive spending.
Check out Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, written by Sharon Salzberg, renowned meditation teacher and co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society.
You will learn how lovingkindness meditation can be applied to everyday life as a powerful tool for personal growth and happiness.
Salzberg offers guidance on overcoming self-judgment and self-doubt, allowing you to embrace the lovingkindness practice with openness and curiosity.
Increased Social Connection
Another study found that even just a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation increased feelings of social connection and positivity toward new individuals, which may help to increase positive social emotions and decrease social isolation.
This is important because feeling connected to others is essential to mental health and well-being.
Slower Biological Aging
One intriguing study shows a correlation between loving-kindness meditation practice and biological markers associated with aging. The association was seen in women more than men.
To experience these benefits, all you have to do is practice loving-kindness meditation regularly. A short session lasting just 10 minutes daily can jump-start a ripple effect that increases feelings of positivity, self-compassion, empathy, and social connection.
The Art of Living Meditation Courses
Summary: Loving-Kindness Practice
Imagine a world where your default reaction when you feel like you have fallen short of something in your life or have let yourself down is loving-kindness. Offering love to yourself instead of your old habit of beating yourself up or engaging in negative self-talk.
Loving-kindness practice offers a powerful antidote in a world that often emphasizes competition and self-centeredness. It empowers you to be a force for good, both within yourself and in the world around you.
Loving-kindness has many benefits, including self-care for mental health, but the most important benefits of this practice are for you!
Remember that loving-kindness meditation is like planting seeds. You never know when they will bear fruit. Just trust the process, and one day, they will.
